Last night I had a dream that Bill Clinton spoke at Ripon commencement. I flew through the sky to Ripon and saw Leila, who was chatting casually with Clinton. I went over to talk to him and I started to tell him about the love of my life and he asked me when I was getting married. Immediately I began to sob and said, I cannot get married until Illinois legalizes gay marriage. Clinton was overcome with emotion and he, too, began to weep. Our sadness connected to the core of the earth. He told me I needed money to get married, to get married somewhere else. He pulled several hundred dollar bills out of his coat pocket, still weeping, and offered me all this money to make it possible for Brandy and I to get married somewhere else.

Also, then the devil became the heat miser and he was tormenting our house. I was a child again, running about my house trying to escape the heat miser. Then Bill Clinton and Tianna Cervantez each dressed up like the snow miser and hand gloves made of ice. The dressed up like the snow miser to protect me from the heat miser. They had done this the year before, because, as you know, the heat miser torments children every year. The only way to defeat him is to dress up like the snow miser and scare him away.