Sunday, January 17, 2010

Ok, this is really why I decided to create a blog today:

I am frustrated by the fact that we (as a collective) have created so many mythical paradigms that we expect each other to live up to. None of us can live up to these idealized constraints and thus we all feel inadequate at some point or another.

For example, we have created a myth that "true love" means that if you have true love, you will never again have any sort of attraction to anyone other than your true love. We perpetuate the myth that you should just "know" when you are truly in love with "the one" and it will be easy to be happily wedded to "the one" forever. That is NOT true. I love my fiancee more than anyone and anything on this planet and I wouldn't trade the universe for her. But I still recognize that sometimes I will have silly third grade crushes on other people and she will too. This attraction to others is not something to be threatened by, it doesn't lessen the love or intimacy my fiancee and I share. It would by so false for us to say that we never feel any attraction to another soul. What is important is that we do not feel an impulse to act on these menial attractions to others. What is also important is that we acknowledge that our relationship is not infallible, our commitment to each other will not always come easily.

I must applaud Michelle Obama and her efforts to be honest about what a union of two people can realistically be--“The bumps happen to everybody all the time, and they are continuous,” said Michelle in an interview with Jodi Kantor (, page 2). It is only fair to be honest about the fact that entangling the lives of two people will be challenging for as long as those to lives are tangled together. In fact, I think being honest about this is the only way to have longevity in a union like a marriage. It is because I am able to go to my fiancee and say "Baby, I have a crush on this girl and I love you," that we are able to maintain and build such a strong bond with one another.

I intended to also discuss false ideals of gender and gender roles such, but other mythical paradigms that we create will have to wait for another time.

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